Taming the teen?

Those were the times when you watched fondly as your toddlers recited their first abc's or evolved from crawlers to walkers, or even mingled with the clowns and mascots on their birthday. Those were the times when you parents weren't accustomed yet to super sized migraines. Because in the blink of an eye, you are catapulted suddenly into the insane world of adolescence.

Being a single dad, i should know. Two awesome, beautiful daughters, the youngest aged 9 and the eldest being 13. And you guessed it, the latter is manifesting crystal clear signs of being a potential 'star.' But hey, who's complaining? We've all been there and have driven our own folks up the wall at some point. Only now, it's just a little different having a female replica of yourself in your household. It's actually a learning process altogether as time progresses. And how ready you are to step up to the challenge. I'd like to reveal some personal tips based on first hand experience with my own kid:

Do's

* Do keep yourself updated on your teen's activities whether it be extra curricular or beyond that. Never, ever miss out on any issue concerning him/her. Monitor them well.
* Do keep the lines of communication open with your teen. Make them feel comfortable in opening up to you about anything under the sun especially with issues bugging them 24-7. You sort of gain their trust this way.
* Do encourage and motivate your teens nonstop regarding a special gift or talent they possess.
* Do listen first to what your teens has to say before you go out firing in all directions. Maybe they do have a point.
* Do reward your teens once in a while for personal or academic achievement.
* Do set certain limits or conditions for your teens so they don't go overboard. Like curfews. You give them permission to attend some classmate's party provided they be home at a stipulated time. Or before it gets dark...
* Do delegate responsibilities around the house. Better to put it on paper.
* Do show love and compassion in every approach towards your teen, even in discipline. Especially if the kid's coming from a broken family. Make them understand that you'll always be there for them no matter what.

Don'ts

* Don't rule over your teens with an iron fist or be extremely strict with them. They are not soldiers and you scare them out of their wits. Chances are, they'd be concealing their own personal problems and probably turn to other people for sound advice. And these 'other people' could not exactly be positive influence.
* Don't be entirely lenient on them or easygoing in your approach towards them as well. They'd abuse any ounce of authority you have left and you end up being their 'yes' man. They'd order you around the house without even trying. Yup, they'd leave and come back whenever they want, do anything as they please and what you think won't mean nada! Be balanced.
* Don't stalk them if to see what they're up to, or send some private detective to follow them wherever they go. This will create some strain in your relationship. They feel that you just don't trust them.
* Don't scream at your teens or degrade him/her. This will create a long lasting effect as they mature in life and may carry deep personal baggage. One thing you don't need is for your kids to hate you for the rest of your existence. Express your love at all times.
* Don't spoil them or pamper them excessively. While rewarding them for achievements is good, giving them or buying them anything they want non stop is the exact opposite. Or even doing household chores for them, fetching their shoes, etc, etc. They won't be able to stand on their own and will be totally dependent on their parents for as long as they live.
* Don't ever abandon them. Your teens may not be vocal all the time but they look up to you and need you to be there for them even in their darkest times. Especially if the parents are divorced. You make your kids feel that it's not their fault that things didn't work out and that you'll always be their mother or father. Here, i'm speaking for myself and others with similarities to my status.


The earlier, the better

It's best to start off early during toddler years. You reinforce those good values towards your kids and you become an example yourself. That is, it begins with you and your spouse. You work at it to make your marriage work, for a whole family is a concrete foundation for your kids when they progress to the stages of adolescence. And less headaches for mommy and daddy.